The why

I’ve never felt more like a hypocrite than I did the week leading up to my birthday. “What are you doing for your birthday Ves?” Was a frequently question, each time I gave the same response “Nothing”. My answer wasn’t dismissive because I was being antisocial or lazy (as a few labelled me). It was more so, I was emotionally in a tough place. I just couldn’t lift myself to a space where I could justify celebrating my birthday. Deep down I have a lot to be thankful for but I was consumed by the bad things plaguing my life, and let them outweigh the good. It was even more so annoying as I had written a post about celebrating your birthdays a few weeks earlier and here I was doing the opposite. It reminded me of my younger years where I never wanted to celebrate my birthday, in fact most times I didn’t even tell anyone my birthday was coming up and every year it would fly by without a fuss.

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I did celebrate

After a lot of persuasion I eventually did celebrate, in fact, I celebrated for 7 days and that’s never happened before. Celebrating didn’t automatically make me feel better, but for those 7 days I felt special and loved. It was a reminder, that even when you feel so alone, there’s people out there who actually care and will go out there way to see you smile.
I feel like sometimes we all go through phases where we’re overwhelmed by the negatives and begin to push our blessings into a small corner. This doesn’t mean we’re ungrateful, it’s just that our current negative situation is likely the most prominent thing on our hearts and minds. It’s a really awful feeling which for some can last months or years. To try and fathom what that looks like. Think about a time when you had a significantly lower mood, then imagine feeling like that every single day.
We all deal with things differently and when a series of negatives all happen at once, it’s exceedingly difficult to utilise that thick skin we often hear about. Going through and overcoming times of sadness or depression in extreme cases isn’t something you should feel guilty for. Only you can truly understand the emotions you’re going through, but that doesn’t mean you should fight the fight alone. You will however have to use wisdom as to whom you disclose to. Not all your friends posses the characteristics or wisdom to support you during such issues. Most will find the disclosure element the most painful as many of your closest people will probably do or say something to lower your mood further.

Support Systems

I’ve learned first hand how difficult it is to disclose how you really feel. Most especially when your ‘friends’ are throwing numerous ignorant and inconsiderate comments your way. Letting out your deeper emotions is risky business. It’s extremely easy for onlookers to tell you to get over whatever it is you’re going through when it’s not them experiencing it.
From experience I’ve learned people will be

  • Dismissive
  • Some will hear and never check up on you again after
  • They might tell you to stop being sorry for yourself
  • They will call you an attention seeker
  • Turn it around to be about them, till the point they’re telling you about their lives

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Final Remarks

To close, I’ll encourage anyone who feels sad or down for a prolonged period of time to never keep it all in. I can only describe it as the emotional torture. I additionally would encourage anyone who has been disclosed to, please be supportive, emphatic and considerate. Some people who choose to share their feelings with you are doing so because they trust you and in some cases it is a life and death situation.

Lastly always bear in mind that God is aware of whatever it is you’re going through and even when you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, God is there with you. He’s always got you even when you feel loneliest, if we’re going through it, he believes we’re strong enough to endure it.

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